The trifecta of everything that went wrong

I was a senior in high school. I had previously briefly dated a guy my junior year. I thought he cared like I did (he took me to his senior prom) and his family really liked me. Turns out that he was just a player and he decided to stop talking to me and hung out with another girl at a show we were at. Completely ignored me and I was devastated. 

Flash forward to senior year and I had just been broken up with by someone I really cared about, who I thought I loved. this guy cheated on me with a younger girl at his house which was 3 down from mine. Again, devastated. So I started hanging out with guy number 1 again. Nothing serious but I was too uptight around him to trust that he was being sincere. I knew his reputation and it had only gotten worse the longer I knew him. 

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A Warning from a Man Concerned About the Women in His Life

I have a lot of thoughts about consent. I'm a man who tries his best to create an environment where consent can be discussed openly and freely. I don't get the women I like drunk just so they'll sleep with me. I don't take advantage of potential sexual partners. I don't act unless both parties are of sound mind and are able to consent. I'm not a hero for that. That's just basic human decency. 

My submission isn't going to be about all of that. The more urgent thing to discuss is the safety of the women in this country. 

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The Night America Told Me that Sexual Assault is Okay

Last night, Donald Trump was elected president. I, like many Americans, couldn't believe it. My Facebook page was drowning in legitimate criticism about his policies, racism, sexism, ableism, etc. People were outraged at the people who voted for third party candidates and the people who wrote in Harambe. 

My anger, however, is reserved for the 53% of white women who voted for this man. A man who brags about committing sexual assault and is on trial for raping a 13-year-old girl.

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A Bad Feeling in my Stomach

The first time I had sex with my high school boyfriend, I had just told him I didn't want to have sex yet. One second we were messing around like we had before, and the next second he was inside of me. At first, I was really confused. I had only had sex with one boy at that point in time, and I didn't quite understand until a few seconds in what had happened. It didn't feel right.. But, ultimately, I decided it was okay. 

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The Master Manipulator

I knew he moved fast as soon as we matched. Within an hour of messaging on Tinder, he asked for my number. Within 24, we had a date planned.

I was nervous, to say the least. Before this, I had been on one date with a guy. Everything else was just casual hookups with female friends. I had my heartbroken earlier that year, though, and I was determined not to be a victim to that heartbreak. So, I put myself out there.
 

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Rape Culture is Overlooked Too Much

All over my Facebook feed I see the same meme over and over again: "I'm more worried about what Hillary has done than what Trump has said". This bothers me so much. A few weeks after the election Trump goes on trial for the rape of a 13 year old girl. At 13 years old I was still watching Nickelodeon shows, straddling childhood and my teenage years with very little knowledge about rape, abuse, or being hurt by someone who you're supposed to trust. He took away her innocence and her childhood because he's a celebrity and "when you're a celebrity they let you get away with anything". I don't understand how people can be ok with this and refuse to acknowledge that he's done more than say "hurtful things". Rape culture is so prevalent in our lives that we can overlook a 60 something year old man raping a child and that scares me.

How I Lost It

I’m still unsure of how I lost my virginity. It was with my first boyfriend and we had fooled around for a few months before taking the leap and having, to us, full on sex. Those first couple of months were a whirlwind for me. We started out pretty hot and heavy, within minutes of my first kiss with him he had me in his lap making out. Days later his pant were unzipped in the back of his car and him telling me to put my mouth there. I had never done anything like that before I had no idea what I was doing and as he held my head down and I struggled to breathe I thought, “I guess this is what having a boyfriend is like”. 

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An Open Letter to the Man Who Respected Me

You were the fourth person I’ve had sex with, my third boyfriend, and the first to respect me when I said no. You didn’t know why I broke down into tears after I heard you say, “Ok, so do you want chocolate chips in your pancakes?” I promise, I wasn’t crying about the pancakes you were about to make for me.

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That's just what guys do

My thoughts about consent have changed so much since I started college. I knew that it wasn't okay if a guy didn't take no as an answer when it came to sex. But, I always thought it was kind of endearing if a guy didn't take no as an answer when he tried to flirt with you or ask you out. It was what all the romantic comedies taught me. It's what Nicholas Sparks told me. The guys who really are good for you are the ones that are persistent. No one told me that this could turn into harassment and that it's not healthy. 

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