An Open Letter to the Man Who Respected Me

You were the fourth person I’ve had sex with, my third boyfriend, and the first to respect me when I said no. You didn’t know why I broke down into tears after I heard you say, “Ok, so do you want chocolate chips in your pancakes?” I promise, I wasn’t crying about the pancakes you were about to make for me. For the first time in my then 20 years I had a guy who respected my wishes, and didn’t push me into having sex, or at the very least, giving him head to appease him until the next time he felt an urge. It was something so simple to you, I’m not even sure you still think about that moment, but I think about it all the time. I want to thank you for that small act, because you really don’t know how much it meant to me and what a sense of relief it was to know that there was at least one person in the world who cared enough to stop. You didn’t know that I was a survivor of an abusive relationship, even though you would come to find out, and you still don’t know that I’m a survivor multiple rapes from said relationship. You didn’t see me as a sex object, you didn’t see me as someone who was only there to make sure you ejaculated right when you wanted to, and you didn’t see me as someone to take advantage of even after they said no. You saw me as a person, and you respected me. 

I want to thank you for those pancakes, because to me they were so much more than just a morning after breakfast. To me they represent that first light that I saw after years of being forced to do things against my will, and realizing that I deserved someone like you who respected me and wanted to be with me for me. So thank you.