That's just what guys do

My thoughts about consent have changed so much since I started college. I knew that it wasn't okay if a guy didn't take no as an answer when it came to sex. But, I always thought it was kind of endearing if a guy didn't take no as an answer when he tried to flirt with you or ask you out. It was what all the romantic comedies taught me. It's what Nicholas Sparks told me. The guys who really are good for you are the ones that are persistent. No one told me that this could turn into harassment and that it's not healthy. 

I knew what abusive relationships looked like... or so I thought. No one gave me things to watch out for. I couldn't recognize the red flags when they were clearly there. What started as persistent flirting turned into sexual harassment. Sexual harassment turned into me giving in and dating the guy. What I thought was cute little possessiveness transformed into me being scared to do anything without his knowledge and permission. 

He never forced me to have sex with him. I thought that was the only qualification I needed to make this a consensual and healthy relationship. But, he forced me into giving my first hand job and my first blow job and yelled at me when I didn't want to do it. I remember thinking that's just what guys do. It's no different than persistent flirting and physical contact when they pursue you, I thought. I really thought that because he didn't force me to have sex with him that he wasn't sexually assaulting me. I thought my consent didn't matter unless it was sex.

Years later, I know just how wrong I was. But, it wasn't my fault. It wasn't like sex education taught consent to my class. The movies I watched and the books I read treated what should be red flags for abusive relationships as cute character flaws for a male romantic interest. I was a teenage girl with an undiagnosed anxiety disorder and very few friends and I just felt lucky that someone out there said they loved me. I didn't stand a chance. 

I'd like to think things have gotten better for the teenage girls who came after me. Then, I see men like Donald Trump brag about being able to sexually assault women. He's running for president and there are people who defend his statements where he talks about kissing women without their consent and grabbing them "by the pussy." I've had so many panic attacks worrying for those girls out there who are being told that this is normal behavior. When I'm walking home alone at night, I hyperventilate when I see men walking near me because I know the media has been telling them their whole lives that this kind of behavior is acceptable and I could be a victim all over again. I'm scared no one really knows what consent is and when it is mandatory.