A Bad Feeling in my Stomach
The first time I had sex with my high school boyfriend, I had just told him I didn't want to have sex yet. One second we were messing around like we had before, and the next second he was inside of me. At first, I was really confused. I had only had sex with one boy at that point in time, and I didn't quite understand until a few seconds in what had happened. It didn't feel right.. But, ultimately, I decided it was okay. After it ended, he realized exactly what he had done, and began to cry from guilt. I spent the rest of my time at his house consoling him. It wasn't until I returned to my house that I really realized what had happened to me. I cried for a moment, but quickly became numb. This wasn't violent, it was with my boyfriend, and he felt bad. This couldn't count as rape.. right?
A few years later, I found myself around this boy again, and again, he couldn't seem to understand consent. While I didn't let anything happen this time, it brought up unwanted memories. I'm left with very confusing feelings towards this man. We dated for a while, and tried to be friends after.. But every time I think of him, I am reminded of how, although the first time upset him so much, he's still learned nothing. Some people don't change.