The Master Manipulator

I knew he moved fast as soon as we matched. Within an hour of messaging on Tinder, he asked for my number. Within 24, we had a date planned.

I was nervous, to say the least. Before this, I had been on one date with a guy. Everything else was just casual hookups with female friends. I had my heartbroken earlier that year, though, and I was determined not to be a victim to that heartbreak. So, I put myself out there.

He was cute and sweet, understanding and intelligent. After a couple of beers and hours of conversation, we were making out in his car. He liked to do things in public, he said, after jamming his hand down my skirt. That should have been my first clue. 

After telling him several times I didn't want to go back to his place, we were driving there. I insisted on a condom, so he reluctantly stopped at a drug store. At his place, he parades me around to his friends before throwing me on his bed and earnestly putting on music I had told him before I thought was corny. 

He was rough with me from the beginning. He knew it was my first time. I just let it happen. My eyes closed, my fists tightening. I was a virgin, but I wasn't a fool. I knew it was supposed to hurt. I knew it may not be fun this time around. I knew he might say things like "I thought you were a beginner" and "try harder". It was when he thrust my head to his crotch that I realized the condom I had insisted on was missing.

That's when I got scared. And silent. I'm silent when I'm terrified. It lasted so much longer than it should have. He couldn't keep it up, so we eventually stopped. He was angry when he drove me home. The next time we went out, he apologized. He was okay with me not wanting to come up. He did make me feel guilty about my last performance.

The last time I saw him, he pushed me to have sex on my period, then stopped it only moments later to comment on how heavy it was. Sex, then shame. Come on, baby, then come on, seriously?

I don't think I'll be able to date a man for a long time, if ever. Girls were always sort of my thing anyway. But sweetness that turns to insistence, that's something I'll watch out for. Next time I sleep with someone, it's on our terms, consensually.